Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
