So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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