bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
