just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Where are you guys?
Drunk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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