trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
