dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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