Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
tell me about the eggs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
