one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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