I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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