i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
zippers are such a cool invention
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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