Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
