Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
