Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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