I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
