a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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