At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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