At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize