she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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