Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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