I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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