How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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