It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
