That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
