The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
