think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
false alarm, still single
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