Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
