what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'