If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run