Sry I called you an 8
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed