So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
