I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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