Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
