yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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