The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
