Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
