what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
