Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
