dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
