Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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