So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
