What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
