Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
