You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
