His pubic hair was longer than his dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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