I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
