she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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