dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
