I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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