hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
