had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
