I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
