the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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