i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
