The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize