I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
