Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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