No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
