Life is so much better after having sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
