my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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