apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
