triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
