So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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