Non-Jews are for practice
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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