I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
