standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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