At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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