Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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