im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
