I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
