I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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