good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
