i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
