Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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