what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
