walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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