I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
