but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
