im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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